Sometimes I truly wonder if I’ll ever find love. I’ve gone from wanting, to looking, into dreaming, and now I’m just tired. In my ongoing dating reality, I’ve been the fool. First guy I ever dated used me for sex and gave me HPV, broke up with me, used my unresolved feeling for him to get more sex and later confessed to a longtime dream hookup with a friend any asked if shed be into him. The next guy was pathetic just beer and bad sex really. There where some nameless straggle dates here and there with different guys, but no one that gave me that butterfly feeling, then there he was. A good looking Marine from Minnesota, who stole my heart with his country boy charm and sly smiles. He was kind, playful, and spontaneous. I was excited to see him at every chance, but he in the end lied to me, true he fessed up but never could tell me why and that crack in my trust in him did horrid things to my mind. The distance only made things worse and in the end he just stopped replying back to me. Heartbroken i mourned for months then there was Will the Navy MP, we dated four months before I found out he was married. The only thing I wanted after that was a reason why? Then I dated a few stragglers again some really bad dates, then I dated a fb friend…he came on strong and i wasn’t ready for it. Then there was my dancing monkey, I loved him completely, the sex was amazing, and we were together constantly, but I wasn’t a good trophy to show off to his friends and family and he couldn’t let me be me, the mental abuse and then sleeping with other women while we were still doing the same for at least a whole month…I was devastated. Even after all the bad my heart still yearns for him to love me back. A few scatters dates and now I’m dealing with the pothead entirely stuck on an ex. What am I doing with these poor excuses for men? Is my karma so bad? I just want one man to love me as much as I love him. Now I am just so tired and hopeless on the matter, I don’t want the drama of a man in my life. I just want to wake up each day and live my life. I hope someday a man, the right man, has the courage to approach me and ask ME on a date. Someday…until then I’m gonna swear off dating unless the guy takes a risk, he’s not worth the time.